New IVF Cycle Starts Tomorrow - IVF#2

Today was an OK day. My students are good! Still a little crazy from Homecoming over the weekend. It is taking a little while longer then I would like to get them back to our normal pace. I think they know I am annoyed.....but still love them! Maybe some of it is me too. Since we are starting a new IVF cycle...my mind isn't as focused on my work as I would like it to be. The same is true for S. She went to work today....and it was really her day off!

While doing lunch duty today I learned that a student's mom beat her and we called protective services. She came to school, a student in my good friend's class, with a huge swollen eye. She didn't make any excuses for her mom. Situations like this are so hard and sticky to deal with. Being a teacher is so much more than just teaching! Even through their are rough days, I can honestly say that I LOVE my job. I love my students, I love what I teach, and I love seeing them every day.

S has her baseline blood work tomorrow morning. I am excited for this cycle. We both are. I have this deep feeling in my gut that this is the one. I think she does too. Hopefully the crispness and excitement of Halloween will keep our spirits up. In addition, she will go for acupuncture too. S did this last cycle and loved it. I absolutely believe that it helped the egg implant. Too bad it was a genetic abnormality and we miscarried. I hope I hope I hope that the universe aligns and we get one egg and one sperm that are genetically beautiful.

P.S. The only fun thing we are doing this year is seeing Janet Jackson...this weekend! I LOVE Janet......she has the best concerts. We are sitting (standing) 10th row center on the floor. It should be fabulous....

We really need to have fun and are looking forward to it!

PSS Check out this cool gift my dad gave us! Isn't he cool? He stands 6foot tall, eyes glow, and he talks. Their is a mic too and you can make him speak. S and I plan to put him on our porch for Halloween and make kids take candy out of his cup while hiding and using the mic to talk to the kids! We LOVE Halloween!

Crabby

I'm crabby today. I threw my back out trying to help a student. It's not that bad...but it still kills and I want to walk hunched over.

I'm depressed about the stock market. I got my statements in the mail and I lost quite a bit! Depressing. I was reading an article on MSN and using a financial calculator to figure out how much I will need by retirement. Looks like I am going to be in the negative if I don't contribute loads more. Yeah....maybe when we get the twenty some thousand paid off of our credit card for these freakin IVF attempts. I just need a cute cuddly baby to stare at to make it all worth it. Just like baby Aussie and the girls at "The Journey with Baby Frank". So stinkin cute!

Getting back into the swing...

We are ready to get back into the swing of trying to have a baby again. S goes for her Lupron shot tomorrow. We have to pick a new sperm donor....doctor recommended it because of the miscarriage. We like XYTEX sperm bank, any one have recommendations?

So difficult. We are too picky. I hope like hell this will be the one. We will have spent around $21,000 on S. I got some fertility testing done with my doctor today. Just blood to see where I am at just in case. I might have PCOS.... that would be just our luck. If this time doens't work with S, we will have no more money to spend. Plans will be reuined....devestated. What if I have to end up with IVF if I have PCOS? We won't be able to afford it. I don't want to pour all of my life into this. I want to live too. Sill, I am haunted by the fact that we could remain childless....

Tired

I made it through the first day of school. It started off rocky....got up late, didn't get time to pack a lunch...and the garage door opener would not work.

I felt a little pissy.....but had a nice day with the kids. This weekend kicked my butt...moving furniture and doing last minute stuff. Hopefully tomorrow will be good. The kids seem good, but I'll report back at a later post.

Happy First Day of School to All!!!

Still Cleaning

I would just like to say that it is 11:24pm and I am still cleaning. I switched around the furniture in every room.....feels pretty good. I think I still have a few hours to go! I got the good dancing music on now too!!



All that a side....I feel like going out and dancing now. It has been so long. Some times stuff like that is hard when you are dating someone older. I long to take one of my teacher vacations and stay in Havana and take every weekend to go shake it like Shikira. I used to be a great dancer. As the days of my life go on, its a part that I don't think about now that I am grown. But, when the urge hits I really want to do it. Doesn't seem like it would be possible though. Even just to go to a club here is just a pain with all the dam smokers. They really ruin it. Vegas is horrible. I will have to go to one of those states where everything is smoke free. Will you take me? I need a dancing partner and some fun friends that aren't afraid to pull me to the dance floor and shake it too.

How I desperately long for this. Too bad S hates dancing.

Finding Money

S and I are going through our house to figure out what we can sell to go towards another IVF. We put a bunch of stuff up online and plan to have a garage sale. S is also going to work an additional 200 hours over the next year to pay off some of the IVF cost. Basically, if we want to pay all of this off we have to live a little poor for the next year. Not that we haven't already. We still live out of boxes from our move 1.5 year ago. We need furniture, rugs, paint, exct. We just really need this to happen so living poor will feel worth it. Please God, give us an embryo and sperm that are healthy and implant into S. She is so worthy and deserving. She needs to feel whole, complete, worthy, strong, important, and that she is somebody in this world. No matter how many times I tell her that she is and how much she means to me, it is ultimately S judging herself. I hope she is going to be strong for this upcoming ride....whatever your plans may be for her. Please look kindly upon her, I know she will do a good job and be forever grateful.

Inbetween Up and Down

The title of this blog says it all.

First I will start with the Up side. I have been as school for a few days this week in meetings and such. We got 2 new administrators and things look like they are going to shape up. Some of the shit will be the same. I am so tired of the good ole' boys club. Fuck football and its American tradition. It is the cause of so much inequality, it sick ins me. Sorry this is supposed to be positive. Anyways, it was nice seeing people and taking my mind off things. It was also nice seeing the two people who know about me and what I am going through. They are becoming some of my first "real" friends. I can't tell you how great it feels just to talk about everyday stuff with them. They know exactly what happened this summer and how shitty it has been. Everyone else that I ran into yesterday I had to lie. It takes its tole on you. I am so not used to having people know about my life and be friends with me that it is almost uncomfortable. But I like it. My parents really didn't have a lot of friends growing up - so I guess no one really taught me how. It seemed like I would have friends for a year or so then move onto different people. After being closeted for 10 years and lieing- I'm finally ready to try to work on myself and how to be a friend. You see this year was the year I am supposed to come "out" at work. I thought S and I would have already had a baby, or at least one on the way. After I came out to my two friends/colleges at the end of last year - I thought it would be a number one priority for me this fall. Now with all this grieving and baby stress...it isn't my number one at the moment. But I have to say that the genuineness, support, and love from my two friends is just so nice. It is really motivates me. I feel like I need to research the laws a little bit first. I am tenured though. Part of me is worried about our student population and getting killed! Look at what happened to Larry King. A kid just walked in and shot him in the back of his head. I could easily be a target. I teach to a large middle eastern population where in their countries they do kill gay people. Can you understand my stresses and why all I have done up to this point is bitch?

On to more hard things.... IVF #2. S has two embryos frozen at B and C quality. 70% thaw rate. 4400 dollars. Or 8200 dollars to get more fresh eggs. We have already spent so much. People keep asking me why don't I start trying. Maybe in another post I can go into more detail. Basically we have spent around 18,000 so far will 12,000 to pay off. I am scarred to go into debt further. We will come up with a plan this weekend.